If Anyone’s Wondering Why I Haven’t Really Been Myself Lately…

…It’s probably because I kinda lost myself a while ago. I’ve been through a lot of changes in the past couple years – I would binge eat, then I would starve myself. I was fat, then I was fit. I would party all night, then I would study all night. I was super single, then I was super taken. I wore barely any clothes and then I wore more clothes than I was comfortable in. I finally graduated from college with a Graphic Design diploma only to switch over to Marketing in uni. I gave up drawing porn for money (yep) to open an online store and then got bored of that and started a personal brand on Instagram and now that that’s peaking I’ve decided to start a blog. One minute I was hot, one minute I was cold and the next minute I was burned out. Sometimes I’m a dick and sometimes I’ll buy you lunch.

I think one thing that changed me for the better was starting a healthier lifestyle earlier this year. I stopped eating trash (in some cases quite literally) and started working out. I watched my stamina quadruple and my body improve – at first I struggled to jog 2.5km at a 7km/h pace, and at my peak I was able to run 5km at a 14km/h pace. I did lose a fair amount of weight because of it and I felt empowered by the control I gained over my body and mind.

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At 59kg on the left and 49kg on the right!

Unfortunately it got to the point where I kinda didn’t recognize myself anymore. At first I’d see myself in pictures and think “Well that doesn’t really look like me… Lemme take another #selfie”. And then I’d walk past a reflective surface and be like “Lol that chick is wearing the same outfit as me… Wait”. I’d see myself in Skype calls and get really confused, because the live video stream of myself wasn’t the me I knew. My face had changed dramatically (you can probably see for yourself in the picture above) and I literally didn’t recognize the person I was looking at, and this kinda got me super distressed.

I guess once I stopped being able to recognize my face I kinda started grasping at straws to find a mask that was somewhat similar to the person I was familiar with. I jumped from one identity to another, tried on a few different personalities while I was at it. I started multiple Instagram accounts and conveyed different sides of myself on all of them hoping to find one that would “fit” (I didn’t, and now just manage two, hazekitten and cyberxkitten).

It’s been roughly 6 or 7 months now since I realized I no longer knew myself. And even worse, I no longer knew who I wanted to be. I don’t know how I want to dress, I don’t know how I want to cut my hair, I don’t know how I wan to wear my makeup and I don’t know how I want to speak. I’m very uncomfortable in my own skin at the moment.

But I’m coming to terms with this and trying to tell myself that it’s okay. I don’t have to be the same thing every day. It’s fine if I want to be a different person every week and it’s fine if I want to be loud and crass in the a.m. and meek and studious in the p.m.

I don’t normally buy into this New Year, New Me bullshit but I’m hoping in 2016 I regain a bit more of that control I had before. I’m hoping to get to know myself again, once I’ve decided to stop being more than one person. And if I don’t ever decide to stop I guess that’s cool too. I’ll just be all the things I want to be, whenever I want to be them. I’ll just be and not worry about what thing I’m being.

I’m not being fake – I know I probably come across fake – I’m being as genuine as possible by not just being one thing because I guess that just isn’t me at this point in time.

Special thanks to my boyfriend for putting up with my constant freakouts over who to be on any given day, and loving all the people I identify as. And also to my closest friends for never questioning me even though I can tell they probably think I’m being weird at times.

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Skinny Bunny Detox Tea Review

Hay gais! In 24 hours I’ll be headed back to KL and I’m super stoked! But I thought I’d squeeze in one more review before I get on my flight back home from London. Today I’ll be reviewing Skinny Bunny’s Detox tea!

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For those of you who don’t know, Skinny Bunny is a brand that makes tea (and now bikinis) for the health (well, let’s be honest, weight) conscious. They have two kinds of Weight Loss teas (one for the morning and one for bedtime), and one Detox tea for night time use. They’re $15 each and come with a couple of free workout and diet guides as well, which are pretty handy IF you haven’t got a workout and diet plan for yourself, but for those who are serious about a healthier lifestyle I strongly suggest you come up with a more personalized plan. I’ve never been one to buy into the hype about detox teas and the like, but a while ago I decided to give their Detox version a try.

Their Detox tea is a Tropical Chamomile flavor, as you can probably see on the tin. You can also get a Lemon flavor. They come in either 14-day ($15) or 28-day ($30) supplies and as mentioned on the site are meant to provide you with vitamins, antioxidants and immune system support. You can probably tell I’m not buying this, but maybe I’m just a super skeptic when it comes to miraculous quick fixes.

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Upon opening the tin I was surprised with a very pleasant scent of tropical fruits — This tea is delightfully fragrant! I got the 14-day supply and the tea itself is packaged in 14 pretty little pyramid bags, however there were no strings attached to the bags for easy removal after infusion. Here’s a closer look at the bags.

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Now this tea is meant to “detoxify” me. I haven’t yet come across any information as to what exactly I am meant to be detoxified of; as far as I’m concerned my liver and kidneys should have that kinda thing covered. But it smells pretty good so I’m gonna give it a go. Here are my pros and cons!

Pros:

  • It smells great and doesn’t taste utterly horrible. In fact, it doesn’t taste bad at all; my boyfriend says it “tastes like earth” but the flavor is not unlike most teas. Unfortunately the fragrance doesn’t permeate through to the taste, but I’m happy with it overall since I have tried some pretty vile teas in the past.
  • It gives me awesome sleeps. I generally don’t sleep very well as it is, but Skinny Bunny’s Detox tea pretty much knocks me out after about 20 minutes and I sleep pretty soundly through the night! Which, if you’ve read my previous post, is a luxury I can’t always afford. This is a massive plus point for me!
  • The worldwide shipping is pretty quick and they have some pretty reasonable bundle deals on their site, too.
  • The workout plan I got with my order was actually pretty inspiring, and lead me to learn about HIIT, a program which has become the core of all my workouts. However, without further research and a deeper understanding the guides themselves aren’t really that great.

Cons:

  • It’s pretty damn pricey guys. The only reason I keep buying this tea is because a full night’s sleep is a rarity and I’m very happy with the quality of sleep this tea provides.
  • I don’t feel detoxified and, since most detox teas are meant to help you lose weight, from this angle I can’t say it’s very effective. I know it doesn’t expressly say anywhere it will help you lose weight, but let’s be real, it’s called Skinny Bunny, not Clean Colon Bunny.

All in all not a terrible product, but if you sleep well on your own I don’t recommend Skinny Bunny. Even if you do want to experience better sleeps there are plenty of chamomile teas in the shops and if you’re looking to lose weight or live better, you’ll need to change your approach. Perhaps approach a treadmill or a salad… But that’s just me. Later taters!


 

Want me to review or promote your product or brand? I’m always happy to help out companies that cater to my kind of weirdness! Feel free to email me at cyberxkitten@gmail.com or drop me a DM on Instagram, or even just leave a comment below ♥ Looking forward to hearing from you!

Hi Guise!!!

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Smiling is hard for me

Hi hi hi! I was asked by one of my Instagram sponsors if I would consider starting a blog where I can do full product reviews, gave it some thought and so I’m trying it out to see how it goes! My blog layout is currently nowhere near satisfactory, but I’m excited to start posting while I work on making my actual blog a bit more user friendly.

So just for those of you who don’t know me yet, my name is Anna and I’m a marketing student living in London. I’m originally from Kuala Lumpur (lovingly referred to as KL) and I’ll be headed back there in just over a week for the Christmas break. I was hoping to bring my boyfriend back with me but he’s going to spend Christmas in Germany with his family, so I’m just looking forward to the sun and warmth of the tropics and the familiar company of my friends. We will be celebrating a super early Christmas next weekend though, so we can at least spend our first Christmas together! I’m currently in my first semester of my Marketing course and I’m really hoping I do well! I’ve already had one exam, worth 40% of my final grade for this semester, and I got an A. First A since high school?! I kinda messed up in college, but I’m gonna be doing a LOT better this time round in uni! I have another exam in a few days so I’ll be spending that time studying so I can go home with awesome results (and a sweet uni sweatshirt).

Anyways, there really isn’t much else to me. I like cardio, but I love pizza way more… I spend a lot of time lamenting that my nails are too fragile and even more time wondering if I will ever hit my goal weight (45kg — That might sound way too low but at 5ft nothing that’s just about ideal). I also have a million unwarranted opinions and a pet lizard named Beady, who turned three this spring… That’s about it! I hope you guys will enjoy my reviews and day to day ramblings!

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Today is one of those days I get to stay at home and do nothing, but choose to stay at home and do all the things!!